How To Find Your Path: Building The Foundation For Your Life Journey

Where are you? Where do you want to be? Those are the questions you should ask when you feel lost. No matter if you’ve lost motivation, purpose, or simply need to start a life from scratch. That question is the light that illuminates the invisible cage that we are all born into. A prison comprised of expectations that leaves you without the key. Have you shared your concerns with family or friends, hoping for a clue of how to escape? You may have heard some generic advice of “find your passion”, “it will all work out”, or my favorite “god has a plan for you.” It’s hope. A tale of hope from a fellow prisoner. The truth is, you will have to escape using your own self.

Before you can plan an escape, you need to build a foundation. A robust foundation helps you develop self-confidence by acknowledging your accomplishments, learning from your failures, and understanding that setbacks are a natural part of the journey. It all starts with awareness. Awareness of your surroundings and the awareness of the self. Ask the question, Where am I? Then, once you’ve taken a good long look, build the will to escape. Will is the most powerful tool one can possess, do not lose it.

Inspect the Cage: Search For A Way Out

Every cage is unique. For some, the chains are their occupation. A job that provides no satisfaction or gratification. A simple means to an end that constantly asks for more at a fixed wage. A mundane 9-5 where the only “adventure” you will ever get is the occasional trip out of town once a year. Nothing too crazy, after all you still have to get back to work when it’s over. When it’s your only source of income, leaving is certainly not an option. The path to freedom is retirement, neither easy nor guaranteed.

Relationships and marriages without love bind others. In our society, marriage is not just a virtue but a social expectation. “Janie and Tommy, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then come Janie with a baby carriage.” The divorce rate for marriage in 2022 was around 40-50%. Too many people view marriage as a source of love and happiness rather than as a union between two souls. It has lost all spiritual meaning in the modern discourse of our material society. Your primary focus should be to identify the barriers that comprise your invisible prison to forge your escape.

Examine the Bars: The External Barriers

You were failed, if you have been told that your position in life is only the result of your actions. To ignore the obstacles outside of you does more harm than good. There will always be factors that are outside of your control. Such as the actions of people more powerful than you. The outcome of your efforts, What happens around you, and what other people think of you. Not to mention systemic barriers such as poverty, discrimination, lack of access to education, and environmental pollution.

Someone who lives in poverty often does not have the resources to get a good education or start a business. Likewise, someone who faces discrimination may be denied opportunities at work or school. Everyone gets dealt a different hand in life, and the path towards victory is to try and make due with what you’ve been given. For most, the hand they’ve been dealt is not enough and they require help. But the mere ability to recognize your hand for what it is, will give you the major advantage you need to win.

Scan the Shackles: The Internal Barriers

External barriers may prevent us from escaping our current circumstances, but internal barriers prevent us from growing. Internal barriers are the mental and emotional chains that hold us back. They manifest as negative thoughts, uncomfortable feelings, inaccurate beliefs, and self-destructive behaviors. Internal barriers can be difficult to overcome, but it is possible with time and effort. The best way to overcome internal barriers is to take action. Don’t wait for the perfect moment or for all the stars to align. Just start taking small steps towards your goals.

The main internal barrier for most people is the lack of self-awareness. They lack of understanding of their strengths, weaknesses, and motivations. It makes it difficult to set goals and make decisions. Destructive habits are another barrier that we all tend to carry. These are any type of behavior that causes harm to our physical or mental health. For example, drug abuse, not getting enough sleep, or unhealthy eating habits. Self-doubt is the last most common internal hurdle that can hinder progress. The uncertainty provided by self-doubt is often more detrimental to our competence than lack of skill or training. Don’t second guess yourself, be confident.

Exploring The Self: Finding the Answers Locked Within

“As above, so below, as within, so without, as the universe, so the soul…”

Hermes Trismegistus

I think, therefore I am. Think of the self as a complex entity comprised of your thoughts, feelings, experiences, beliefs, and values. It is the identity of who you are as a person. All the answers you need about where you should be lie within the self, beneath the social conditioning of society and the scars of trauma. To uncover the self is to wake up from a dream, or nightmare in your case. It allows you to see things for what they truly are, not for what you assume them to be.

There are many ways to explore the self. Some people find it helpful to journal, meditate, or do therapy. Others find it helpful to travel, try new things, or spend time in nature. There is no right or wrong way to explore the self. The important thing is to be open to the process and to be willing to face whatever truths we may discover.

The Relationship Between Your Personality and Your Self

“The self? Isn’t that just my personality?” Not exactly. Both terms can be used to refer to the type of person you are, but a personality more foundational to who you are by describing your innate traits. The self is the expression of those traits and can change throughout your life. For example, some people are born naturally curious. Curiosity can be expressed both positively and negatively. When used positively, it creates some of the best journalists in the world. When used negatively, it can lead to tabloid reporters who invade the privacy of others for cheap reactions. The self is defined by the relationship we have with others. We are even influenced by others when we are alone due to social norms and perceptions.

Remembering Your Inner Child

For almost all of human existence, children were not thought as individuals but as extensions of their parents. As such you are born into this world with no autonomy, no purpose, and no mastery over anything. Your parents and community decided how you were to behave. You were told what you were going to be. Sometimes, you were even trained to fit a specific mold. You were not granted the title of an individual until you were fit to live independently on your own. This primitive thinking still exists within the lower castes of most social hierarchies. Most of the time your family raised you as an investment.

Yet most of us still have that inner child. That child that had needs that were ignored or shamed because they didn’t fit the expectations given to them. Expectations are burdens disguised as a gifts. They limit us into a fixed mindset. More importantly they can actually damage us in what I call expectation distress. When we fail to live up to these external expectations we feel like we’ve failed. That feeling of failure can leave us damaged and thinking that we ultimately have no value or importance. But that simply isn’t true.

Science has shown us that we all have different ways we learn, such as ADHD. We all have different genes for intelligence, gaining muscle, or feeling empathy. None of those traits are good or bad, weak or strong, they all just serve a purpose of helping us survive. Sometimes we just don’t fit our environment and that is okay. You don’t have to. The world is vast, and you will find a community of others who are like you. Especially with the creation of the internet, you can communicate with others from your own bedroom.

So, I want you to reflect on that inner child. That person you had to outgrow and evolve. That kid that had to make sacrifices and face the obstacles in their environment. What do you miss about that child? What makes you happy about the growth of that child? What did that kid need that you need right now? Once you understand your primal needs, you can move on to evaluating your core beliefs.

Desires: Understand The Need vs Want Spectrum

Money. Power. Freedom. Love. All of us having something that we desire on this journey we call life. A journey that will be filled with challenges, magic, suffering, wonder, pain, and joy. You won’t be able to thrive without establishing a base. Some people are born with their base already set up while others have to focus on surviving the next day. The initial circumstances don’t matter, focus on building a foundation in the moment. The beauty of a journey is that you can start a new path at any given moment. To build a foundation, you need to identify what you need and what you want out of your journey.

Needs: The Essential Desires

A need is a desire that is required for your survival. It helps you function in daily life and improves your well-being. Food is a basic need for everyone. Food provides us with energy and nutrients that our bodies use to grow and maintain themselves. As we grow, our needs evolve until we are satisfied. Some people start off with eating simple frugal meals but later enjoy more expensive but highly nutritional recipes. Have you ever seen a competitive bodybuilder’s diet? They need to eat a massive amount of calories just to maintain all that muscle mass that they’ve been building. Check out Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs below.

Author/Copyright holder: J. Finkelstein . Copyright terms and license: CC BY-SA 3.0
Survival Needs: The Foundation

We’ve already mentioned food, but you have other survival needs that need to be met as well. Access to clean water, clean air, sleep, and excretion are all examples. You need to realize that survival needs are the foundation of pyramid and should not be ignored. When those needs are met by low quality satisfactions it becomes harder to focus on getting the higher order needs. If your foundation suddenly breaks, then you will have to scramble to meet those lower order needs very quickly.

Expression Needs: The Seeking

Once our survival needs have been met, we need something to pass the time in a space where we feel safe. Needs for creativity to break up the monotony of mundane life. To feel pleasure and pain. To connect with others. While everyone needs privacy to a degree, people differ on the levels. Some people truly have nothing to hide and will air out all their thoughts and feelings on social media. Some would live off the grid if they had the money and personal autonomy to do so. Groups also hate isolationists because they view theme as threats. Knowing everything about everyone allows you to feel safe even though most people are truly unknowable.

The Social Needs: Connections

However, we have evolved to the point that each of us needs different connection needs as well. Some popular emotional needs are

Intimacy: Some of us long for connection. Others thrive in isolation. The level of intimacy that you need largely depends on how safe you feel with other people. Sometimes, even how much you need guidance.

Autonomy: Some people are just happy to follow directions and be given what they want. Others want to go out on an adventure and find what they want. The freedom to do what one wants is autonomy. It’s risky but also very rewarding.

Validation: Everyone needs validation. Some need it from others, others need it from themselves. People who value external validation will do anything to get attention. People who require internal validation just need some time alone.

Wants: The Non-Essential Desires

Wants are desires not essential for our survival, but they can enhance our quality of life. You want a streaming service so that you can entertain yourself after a long day at work. Or you want drugs like alcohol to be able to numb your anxiety and stress after a long day. Wants allow you to thrive. To truly experience life with enjoyment and happiness and feel all of it’s beauty. Art. Music. Videogames, Spirituality. An infinite array of infinite possibilities to help you pass the time and enjoy the more mundane parts of existence.

The relationship between an individuals varies intensely. For example, a person who is homeless may need a place to live, while a person who already owns a home may want to buy a new one to earn more money. One thing is for certain, needs are the foundation. Before you can get what you want, you have to satisfy your needs. They will be the building blocks of the motivation to escape your cage.

Passions: What Are you Interested in?

If you can’t figure out your purpose, figure out your passion. For your passion will lead you right into your purpose.

T. D. Jakes

Life becomes truly fulfilling when you are passionate about what you do. What activities make you lose track of time? What topics or subjects do you enjoy reading or learning about in your free time? These interests are what define your inclinations towards certain aspects. Finding your passions can be a challenging but rewarding journey. Here are some tips to help you get started:

  1. Reflect on your past. Think about what you enjoyed doing as a child, what you were good at, and what you were passionate about. These are all clues to your potential passions.
  2. Consider your strengths and talents. What are you good at? What do you enjoy doing? These are areas where you can build a career or volunteer your time.
  3. Think about what makes you happy. What activities make you feel fulfilled and energized? What causes do you care about? These are all signs of your passions.
  4. Experiment with new things. Don’t be afraid to try new things and step outside of your comfort zone. You might be surprised at what you discover.
  5. Talk to others. Talk to friends, family, mentors, and coaches about your interests and passions. They may be able to offer helpful insights.

Traits: Examine Your Talents, Strengths, Limits

Everyone has qualities that define parts of themselves. Some people are wise, they either know the answer to a problem or are able to find it very quickly. Others are strong and can lift heavy objects. Some have the ability to make people laugh or feel safe in their presence, known as charisma. These positive qualities can be quickly noticed by others, especially when they are positive. We can also have negative traits that can attract negative attention, such as being aggressive or violent.

Merits: Understanding the Value of your Talents and Strengths

What is something you’re good at? It’s okay if you don’t know what you’re good at right away. Our potential is not always immediately obvious. However, there are two distinct categories of positive qualities: talents and strengths. A talent is something that you are naturally born with. It’s something that you do easily and effortlessly. For example, some people are naturally talented at music, math, or sports. A strength is something that you can develop during your life. It’s something that you become good at through practice and effort. Some people develop the strength of leadership or problem-solving.

It’s important to recognize both talents and strengths because talents can be developed into major strengths through effort. In fact, effort can make strengths even more powerful than natural talents. Take a look at some of the athletes and martial artists in the world. These people may have natural talents for their sports, but they also need to put in a lot of effort to develop their skills. By practicing regularly and pushing themselves to their limits, they can turn their natural talents into powerful strengths. So, if you have a natural talent for something, don’t take it for granted. Recognize your talent and put in the effort to develop it into a strength. You may be surprised at how far you can go.

TALENTSSTRENGTHS
ReasoningProblem Solving
EmpathyCounseling/Therapy
AwarenessLeadership
CuriosityInvestigation
HumorStand-up Comedy
MimicryActing
Reaction TimeMartial Arts
RhythmSinging/Dancing
VisualizationStorytelling
PrecisionCooking/Baking

Limits v. Weaknesses: Why your Perspective Matters

There is always room for improvement. Limitations and weaknesses are often used interchangeably but there is a major difference between the too. The term weakness is a term used by a fixed mindset to describe an area that needs improvement. It implies that we can never change those aspects of us and forces us to accept them. Instead, you want to adopt a growth mindset and view these areas as limitations instead. These are aspects of yourself that can be improved and currently prevent you from reaching your full potential. Limitations can always be improved and give you insight into what you need to do.

For example, the most common negative quality people have is being disorganized. You do not have to accept that you are a disorganized person. Instead you can work on your organization skills until you find a style that works for you. It doesn’t have to be the standard way, it can be in any way that makes sense to you. Another advantage of viewing areas of improvement as limitations is realizing there is no one way to do things. There are literally infinite possibilities of ways you can organize things using time and effort.

Examples

  • Art
  • Travel

Making The Escape: The Path to Freedom

The time has come to make a choice. Are you content to stay in your prison, or are you ready to make your way out? Both choices will be scary. Sometimes, the devil you know is better than the devil you don’t know. I won’t judge you if you decide to stay, but I offer you this one insight: life is meant to be lived, not survived. If you’re not ready to escape yet, that’s okay. Just keep looking within until you are. Freedom is one of the greatest treasures in this world, and people will do anything to seize it.

When you’re ready to make your escape, you’ll need to put together a plan. You have identified your strengths and limitations, they will be the areas you need to train and give yourself the best chance of making it out. Once you are fit to leave, you’ll need to create a map that will help you overcome the barriers you’ve identified. Your needs and wants will be the reminder and driving motivation when things get tough. Once you’ve decided to take action, don’t look back until you’ve reached your destination.

The Culmination

Know thyself before embarking on any journey. Just like a warrior cannot go into battle without a sword, a hero cannot save the day without being prepared for danger. The same is true for life. Before you can set out on your path, you must first know who you are and what you are capable of. This is not an easy task. It takes time and introspection to truly understand oneself. But it is an essential one, for without self-knowledge, you will be lost and directionless. Remember, this is a lifelong journey. You will be shaped by new experiences and be tested to explore yourself a lot more.

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